Odd Idol
by Alice Prince
Summary: Odd Idol is an American Idol parody. I picked the contestants and their songs for a reason. Be warned, you might bust a gut from laughter! WARNING: SOME CHAPTERS CONTAIN STRONG LANGUAGE! ENJOY! Read and review please.
1. Preview

Odd Idol is a kind of "Anti-American Idol" fan-fic that I'm going to write. This is a list of contestants, judges and prizes, plus our host. Sasuke, I've decided will be hosting against his will, but I won't reveal anything so soon! ^_^

Odd Idol

Hosted by: Mr. Sasuke Uchiha

Contestants:

Luke Castellan – "One Girl Revolution"

Demyx – "If You Were Gay"

Hinata Hyuuga – "2.B.A. Master"

Lord Voldemort – "Slaughter Your World"

King Galbatorix – "Viva la Vida"

Bonzo Madrid – "Barbie Girl"

Mansex – "I'm Not Wearing Underwear Today"

Axel – "The Internet is for Porn"

Kyle Broflowski – "It Sucks to be Me"

Larxene – "Witch Doctor"

Lois Griffin – "A Star Is Born"

Steve-O – "The Llama Song"

Herbert – "Barbie is a Bitch"

L – "Strangers Like Me"

Judges:

Simon Cowel

Stewie Griffin

Eric Cartman

Bam Margera

April Margera

Prizes:

1st Place: Chester, Sitar, Chakrams, Tattoos, Unlimited Sweets, Aerial Blades, Backbiter, Voldemorts wand, Galbatorix's Dragon, A coffee can with a salamander in it, Herbert's dog, Lightning Knives, Kyle's hat, Hinata's coat and Peter Griffin

2nd Place: Free pie coupon

3rd Place: Simon Cowel bobble head

4th Place: 2$ iTunes gift card

5th Place: A kick in the pants


	2. Meet the Cast

NOTE: Odd Idol is off hiatus as school just ended for me. I wont have any more homework, so I will have much more time to write over the summer! Please be aware that this is my first time writing anything at all like this, so please tell me where I need some improvement on the actual TV show aspects of it! Thank you!

"Hey everyone!" said the host of the hit TV show Odd Idol, Sasuke Uchiha. "We've got a great show lined up for you all!"

It was the second season of Odd Idol and Sasuke had lost a bet with the Legendary Sucker, AKA Lady Tsunade. He had to host a total of five seasons and he had to do it peppy. The judges thought that the show appealed to the general public because of its general randomness.

"Let me introduce our judges for this evening!" Sasuke was indeed living up to his bet with Lady Tsunade. "First up, we have Mr. Simon Cowel!" Simon got some half-hearted applause, and someone in the audience shouted "YOU SUCK!"

"Next we have Stewie Griffin, joining us from Quahog Rhode Island!" You could see his football shaped head as he stood up with some difficulty. His applause was more enthusiastic; he even got some standing ovations, but no particular cheer for him.

"Now, we have Mr. Eric Cartman of South Park Colorado!" Cartmans fat spilled over the sides. He actually got some cheers: "You rock!"

"And our two final judges are a mother and her son! Give it up for Bam and April Margera!!!" This pair of judges got the loudest cheers yet. Virtually everyone in the crowd stood up for them and there were some Bam fan girls in the crowd. They had started a chant: "BAM BAM BAM! WHO IS THE SEXIEST? BAM BAM BAM!"

As it died down, Sasuke started to introduce the judges. "Now that we have our judges, how 'bout we meet our contestants? What do you think, Stewie?"

Stewie stood up in his booster seat, receiving the mic from Sasuke. "I think that's a really great idea, man." Then he handed it back to Sasuke.

Sasuke got the mic from Stewie, nearly falling down in the process because of Stewies small stature. However, he caught himself just in time to do a back flip right back onto the stage. "Nice try, Stewie, but you won't get me anytime soon!" Stewie clenched his fist and growled low.

Sasuke gestured towards the right side of the stage. "Here is our first four contestants! They supposedly have no hearts, but I don't believe it! From Organization XIII, we have Demyx-kun, Mansex-sensei, Axel-kun, and Larxene-san! Come on out!!"

The Orgy members ran out of stage, wearing their usual black Orgy robes. Demyx was being his usual hyper self, causing the crowd to fan girl for him. Axel and Mansex got a standing ovation as well and Larxene didn't get much of anything.

"How we have our biggest bad guys around! No one comes close to being as evil/epic as these guys are! Give it up for our two magical tyrants, King Galbatorix and Lord Voldemort!"

Both got a standing ovation with some cheers; nothing special.

"Next from Quahog, we have Mrs. Lois Griffin and Mr. Herbert!"

Lois came out running in her signature khakis and light green top. Herbert came out with his walker, walking rather slowly. The two got cheers from the crowd: "You rock Lois! Win this thing!" and for Herbert: "STAY AWAY FROM MY JEFFERY, YOU PEDOPHILE!"

"Now from Cartagena, Spain, we have the Salamander himself, Mr. Bonzo Madrid!" Bonzo walked out rather sullenly, taking his place in line after he had bowed to some cheers of his own: "We love you Bonzo!"

"Next from Konohagakure, the Village Hidden in the Leaves, Ms. Hinata Hyuuga! This is a huge step for her to overcome her shyness! GIVE IT UP FOR HINATA PEOPLE!!!"

Shocking everyone, Hinata jumped out over the crowd swinging on a rope from the lights above the stage. She swung around the crowd once, then flung herself off of it and "ninjaed" herself into her place in line. Cheers were heard all over the Odd Idol audience members. "You are gonna win this Hinata! Believe it!"

"Coming to us directly from the set of "Dancing with the Stars" we have Steve-O!" Steve-O got the biggest cheer yet, as he came on stage shirtless. A big "SQUEE!" could be heard from all the girls in the crowd.

"Next, all the way from Tokyo, Japan, we have L-san!" L came on stage rather unanimated, chewing his signature Strawberry Pocky. L got some fan girling as he walked on stage and stood in line.

"Only two contestants left! Cheer for them with me!" A gigantic cheer went out as Sasuke began to cheer into the mic. The crowd had no choice now: they had to cheer along with Sasuke; such was the power of a fan girl's obsession. Sasuke's hands rose and the crowd quieted down at once.

"This next to last contestant is from South Park, Colorado! Give it up for Mr. Kyle Broflowski!" Kyle walked out among some cheers and some jeers. His red hair was not contained, as he was not wearing his hat today.

"And finally, our last contestant is coming all the way from the Underworld! Thank you Lord Hades for letting him come back; give it up for Mr. Luke Castellan!!" An apparition or transparent form of Luke came out on stage, amid cheers and declarations of love.

"Well, we have all of our contestants! Give it up for all of them!"

It took a full five minutes for the applause and cheers to die down. When they did, Sasuke spoke again. "Well, next week, the performances will start! Who is Victim number one? We'll see!"

A wheel, kind of like the one used in Wheel of Fortune, was spun by Sasuke. The spinning started up a chant, reminiscent of a battle chant. Finally, it was beginning to slow down. What would it land on? The crowd held its breath as it very nearly landed on Herbert. On the last leg of its spin, it instead landed on…

"Galbatorix! Looks like next week, our singer will be Galbatorix! What will you be singing for us next week?" Sasuke walked up to the King.

He mumbled into the mic.

"Didn't quite catch that. What did you say?"

"Viva la Vida by Coldplay."

This got some screams from the crowd as well. People loved Coldplay.

"Contestants, will you step into the back room?" As they went back, Sasuke said "It's time to announce the prizes that these people will be playing for!"

A picture of each was projected onto the wall.

"First place will be competing for ALL of these items:" Sasuke took a breath. "Chester the Heartless, the Sitar, the Chakrums, tattoos, unlimited sweets, Xemnas's light saber, Backbiter, Voldemorts wand, Galbatorixs dragon, a coffee can with a live Salamander in it, Herberts dog Jesse, Larxenes lightning, Kyles hat, Hinatas coat, and Mr. Peter Griffin!" He said that all with one breath.

"Second place will receive a coupon for a free pie; Third place will receive a Simon Cowel bobble head; Fourth place will receive a 2$ iTunes gift card; and fifth place will get a kick in the pants!"

The audience oohed and ahhed as each prize was shown; the girls in the crowd giggled at the last one, but the guys in the crowd winced.

"Unfortunately, it's time to go now! Remember to tune in next week for Galbatorix's rendition of Viva la Vida by Coldplay! Good night and good bye!"

***


	3. Galbatorix Performs

NOTE: Sorry about the long wait, but here it is, Odd Idol chapter two! I think that each performance will be a chapter. Three chapters will be equal to one hour long show off Odd Idol. Review if you think this format works. Please read and review! Thank you!

***

As the curtain lifts up, the camera pans around a cheering crowd. Five spotlights spin around the whole place and finally focus in on the five judges: Simon Cowel, Stewie Griffin, Eric Cartman, Bam Margera and April Margera. On top of a big black wall above the stage, the icon for this show is displayed; that's right, it's time for Odd Idol!

The host, Mr. Sasuke Uchiha, ran out of his hiding place backstage and began slapping fives to random people in the audience. He stopped in the middle of the stage. "Hello, fans of Odd Idol!"

A huge cheer came out of the crowd. There were people whistling, people were squeeing over Sasuke and other people were fan girling over the contestants.

The applause dies down to a dull roar.

"Well, if you were with us last week, you'll remember that our very own King Galbatorix," said Sasuke, over some cheers. "will be singing Viva la Vida by Coldplay!" More cheers from the crowd. "Now lets get him out here! Come on out, Galbatorix!"

Galbatorix teleported on to the stage. There was a huge blast of black light that burst with a monstrous amount of energy. The blast knocked over all of the judges chairs, save for Cartmans. His stayed up, but once the other judges were settled into their seats again, Cartmans cracked in two pieces, plopping him viciously on the ground.

"Mommy, I want my Mommy!" Cartman cried.

Bam walked over to him and slapped him on the face. "Oh shut the fuck up, you little baby! You shoulda known that would've happened if you came here, since we have two magicians on the show that could kill you if they wanted. So shut the fuck up and grow up!"

April walked up to Bam and they started to yell at each other, while Cartman just wailed even more.

"It's not my fault the kid is a little cry baby!"

"Well, you shouldn't antagonize him like that!"

"What the fuck does that even mean?!"

April slapped him in the face and sat back down at her chair. "Let's get on with the performance, Sasuke," she said to Sasuke and Galbatorix.

Stewie got fed up with Cartman because he went up to him and started yelling at him.

"What the hell man? You are a judge. People look up to you. Just think what Galbatorix is thinking right now!"

Cartman just continued to wail, and then he threw himself onto the floor, kicking and screaming, with renewed vigor.

"Haha, you're such a wuss!" yelled Bam to Cartman. "Want a diaper, little baby?"

Again with the kicking and screaming.

Through all of this, Simon just sat there. He reclined in his chair and put his hands behind is head. "Let me know when this is all over." He pulled out his iPod and turned it up, presumably listening to classical music.

Sasuke and Galbatorix were standing on the stage with a befuddled look on their faces.

Sasuke turned to Galbatorix. "Shall you do the honors or shall I?"

"What honor?"

"Bringing them all back to Earth," said Sasuke with a devilish grin.

"Let's both do it. It'll be more memorable that way."

"Sounds good."

"On three."

"1," said Galbatorix, gathering energy in order to perform magic.

"2," said Sasuke, gathering his chakra.

"3!" said the two of them.

"Fire style- phoenix fire jutsu!" Sasuke cried.

"Brisingr garjzla!" Galbatorix cried.

The fire from Galbatorix was black and Sasuke's (of course) was red, like normal flames. The resulting inferno was just hot enough and bright enough to capture the audience's attention once again. Once the inferno dissipated, Sasuke spoke once again into the mic. "Can we please get on with Galbatorix's performance?"

There was a murmur of general agreement throughout the crowd.

"Then without further ado, this is King Galbatorix singing Coldplay's Viva la Vida!" Sasuke retreated to a chair beside Bams and settled in to listen to Galbatorix.

The opening of the song began to play and at eleven seconds into the song, Galbatorix began to sing the lyrics.

_I used to rule the world_

_Seas would rise when I gave the word_

_Now in the morning I sleep alone_

_Sweep the streets I used to own._

At three minutes, twenty seconds in, Galbatorix began the last verse.

_For some reason I can't explain_

_I know Saint Peter won't call my name_

_Never an honest word_

_But that was when I ruled the world._

As the note faded, the crowd half cheered, half mocked his performance.

"You rock!"

"Yeah!"

"Let's go Galbatorix, let's go!"

When the noise quieted down, a single jeer was heard.

"YOU SUCK!"

The judges peered around to see who it was, and once they saw that it was Eragon, they threw paper balls at him.

"OH!" exclaimed Eragon. "That one hit me in the eye!"

April, still fuming on the inside from her argument with Bam, yelled to him. "Serves you right, you little son of a bitch!"

"Sasuke, how 'bout we get to the feed back?" asked Bam, trying to calm his crazed mother. "CALM DOWN, APE!"

Coming to her senses, April sat down, and Simon took out his ear buds. ("What I miss?")

"Sounds good, Bam," said Sasuke. "Simon, care to start?"

"With pleasure," said Simon. "Galbatorix, I just have to say, that was a great song and you had to go and butcher it with your chainsaw of a voice." said Simon, his "constructive criticism" now aimed at Galbatorix. "You may be a king, but that doesn't mean you can sing."

Galbatorix nodded.

"Stewie?" Sasuke nodded to the mad genius of a toddler.

"I'm only going to say this once so listen good," Stewie said, as Galbatorix nodded. "Very good. Now sing the one that doesn't suck!"

"Cartman?" Sasuke nodded to the fat fourth grader.

Cartman begins his talk with a maniacal laugh that doesn't end for at least two full minutes. "That is so lame!" He finishes with another maniacal laugh, but this one was punctuated with cough sounds, ending with his gasps for air.

"Bam?" Sasuke turned to the professional skater.

"Dude, you fuckin suck. Go back home to your castle in Ala- oh whatever the fuck your country is called," Bam said, leaning back in his chair.

"April?" Sasuke turned to the skater's mother.

"Galbatorix, you tried, but you did not succeed. Nice image, though. Nice image."

Sasuke turned to face all of judges. "Thank you judges for those evaluations." He turned to Galbatorix. "Why don't you go back stage?"

Galbatorix nodded and then went.

"So there you have it, folks. Coming up after the break," Sasuke once again spun the Wheel of Fortune like spinner. It spun fast, and slowed, finally stopping. "Xemnas from Organization XIII will perform a song from the hit musical _Avenue Q. _The song will be I'm not Wearing Underwear Today! Stay tuned!"


	4. Xemnas Performs

NOTE: Here's another chapter of Odd Idol! I'm sorry for the wait.

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The camera focused in on Sasuke Uchiha, the crowd cheered. Sasuke held up his hands. "If you'll remember, before the break, Galbatorix performed Viva la Vida by Coldplay!" Boos from the crowd. "Apparently, he didn't do so well!" He invited laughs, and he got some. "If you'll also remember, before the break, our spinner landed on Xemnas, who'll be performing I'm not Wearing Underwear Today, from the hit musical, Avenue Q! Come on out, Xemnas!"

Xemnas didn't come out for a minute. Finally, an eerie blackness slunk onto the stage like smoke. A figure materialized onto the stage, but it was a little too close to the edge of the stage. The figure tripped over his feet and onto the judges table. The figure, now revealed to be Xemnas, toppled onto Cartman. Cartman's fat bounced him over April, and onto Bam.

There was an uproar of squealing and fangirling, coupled with a rousing chant of "YAOI! YAOI! YAOI!" led by Robin Williams, who was conducting with a Yaoi paddle.

Bam and Xemnas blushed furiously, their faces as red as Axel's hair. Xemnas climbed off of Bam with his hand behind his head, still blushing. Bam fixed his chair and sat back down, with a look of pure embarrassment on his face. April grabbed her son's head and held it against her chest, repeatedly yelling out typical motherly phrases, amid gales of laughter.

Bam looked over her shoulder, only to see the faces of his best friends, Johnny Knoxville, Ryan Dunn, Weeman, Preston Lacy, Ehren Mcghehey, Dave England, Chris Pontius, Spike Jonze and Jeff Tremaine, plus his father and his uncle, Phil Margera and Don Vito. Almost all were pointing and laughing, except for Vito, who was sitting in his chair, completely oblivious to his nephew, yelling for some veal scaloppini.

Xemnas, still blushing, walked onto the stage next to Sasuke. "Can we just get on with it?"

Sasuke nodded. "If you think that's bad, I once kissed an idiot."

"Oh, I saw the on TV. It was on the Fail Network!" Xemnas said gleefully. "It was a prime-time news bulletin!"

Sasuke bitch slapped him so hard, he fell on top of Bam once again. Maybe he used chakra to make it more powerful.

There was another roaring chant of "YAOI! YAOI! YAOI!" led again by Robin Williams, again conducting with a Yaoi paddle.

Tsunade, the Legendary Sucker, who had won the bet with Sasuke, stood up from her place. "You weren't nice!" She made a hand sign. "PAIN NO-JUTSU!"

Tarzan swung down from the lights and yelled. "Me Tarzan. Me kick you in pants now. You no have babies!" At the moment when he and Sasuke were nearest, Tarzan kicked him in the pants. He flipped twice in the air and landed on top of Bam and Xemnas, which caused an even bigger uproar of "YAOI! YAOI! YAOI!" This time, Bill Cosby, Chuck Norris and Richard Simmons joined Robin Williams with their own Yaoi paddles.

When Bam, Xemnas and Sasuke were all where they needed to be, Shigure Sohma stood up in his place. "Hey Xemnas, I thought Saix was your lapdog!"

Xemnas blushed furiously. In a squeaky voice, he said, "Oh yeah? Well…well shut up!"

It took a few minutes for everyone to calm down.

Soon, Xemnas was singing.

_I'm not wearing underwear today_

_No, I'm not wearing underwear today_

_Not that you probly care_

_Much about my underwear_

_But still, none-the-less, I've gotta say_

_That I'm not wearing underwear todaaaaaaay!_

Before Sasuke could say a word, Mikan Sakura stood up and said, "Oh, get a job!"

Xemnas blushed furiously again, this time out of anger. "Just shut up!" barked Xemnas.

Before it got too serious, Sasuke announced that it was time for the judges to do their thing.

Simon leaned forward slightly. "You know what that was? That was the worst piece of garbage I've ever heard."

Xemnas' face flushed.

Stewie had fallen asleep during Xemnas' performance. Bam hit him in the forehead. "Huh? What'd I miss?" He looked out of it.

Simon spoke up again. "Does the fact that Stewie fell asleep tell you anything?"

Cartman, meanwhile, had busied himself with a bag of his favorite Cheesy Poofs. "I wasn't listening, you douche."

Bam had been sharing the bag with Cartman. "Hey! You stole my line, you fat bastard!"

"Bam! That is no way to talk to an innocent little fourth grader!" yelled April.

Cartman burst out laughing. "If I'm an innocent little boy, then you're Miss December!"

April went red faced. "Why you little-" Seeming to get a hold of herself, April stopped where she was and turned to Xemnas. "Come on honey, even I can't sugar coat it for you."

Xemnas walked off stage with drooping shoulders.

Sasuke stared at him for an instant, then came back to his senses. He spun the wheel, saying, "Let's get on with it! Who's our next victim?"

The spinner landed on Lois Griffin.

"Looks like our next performer will be Lois Griffin, singing A Star is Born, from the favorite Disney movie, Hercules!" Sasuke announced. "See you next time!"

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NOTE: So, what do you think?


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